21 for 21: Father, I Wonder . . .


I wonder, what will I say when I see you? How will I respond? What will I do? What do you want me to do? I think I’ll be still. I’m trying to imagine now what my reaction will be. I think I’ll probably just sit there on my knees and smile my real goofy grin. Is it possible that a person can be so happy and so relieved that they literally can’t move? If it’s possible, I think that’s me.

I often daydream about your kingdom that you have prepared for me. You’ve told me about mansions and streets of gold. I know that’s just a metaphor and you really just want me to understand how great it will be. I hope you don’t think less of me, but I want to tell you that it really doesn’t matter what it all looks like. You know, what I’m really looking forward to is just being there with you. I can’t wait to have my wife and my children and hopefully their children and their children’s children all just sit together at your feet as eternity passes by. All of my family, together, there with you. That will be perfect!

As much as I would love to be there with you now, I don’t want to leave my family just yet. There’s still so much I want to get done. There’s still so much that I feel like you want me to get done. I know you’ve put people in my life for a reason, and I’m trying to reach them. I promise I am. And I won’t stop until you say so. I just want you to know that I am trying. Sometimes I get so disappointed because I feel like I’m not getting anywhere. Thank you for allowing me to feel that way. Without some of that disappointment I think my heart would grow hard to the hurt that you have. Thank you for helping to stay sensitive to all the people that you love just as much as me.

I love you. I will talk with you soon. Your loving Son.

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